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Insights from around the net that float my boat:

You talk so much shit; I don’t know whether to offer you a breath mint or toilet paper.

I’m not here to blow sunshine up your ass.

As people grow up, they realize it becomes less important to have more friends, and more important to have real ones.

Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot. I only exist when you need something.

Life is so much easier when you just don’t give a shit.

Don’t be so serious. If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me. I’ll laugh at you!

I have a life outside of Facebook, but I don’t remember the password for it.

Please don’t interrupt me when I’m ignoring you.

The voices in my head say the most awful things.

Expect the best but prepare for the worst. Fuck what others think and do your own thing.

Sometimes it’s better to walk away and say “fuck you”.

Of course I’m talking to myself. Who else can I trust?

My life would be much easier if I wasn’t intelligent enough to realize how fucking stupid some people are.

Life is short. Break the rules, forgive quickly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile.

Life is very funny if you take the time to watch it.

Frankly, you suck… nothing personal.

Sometimes you have to forgive and forget. Forgive them for hurting you and forget they even exist.

If people could read my mind, I would be fucked.

Memories of you make me look forward to Alzheimer’s.

I’m not feeling myself today, may I feel you?

You are crazy, silly, funny, goofy, amazing, cool, and awesome. That’s what I like about you. J

If it weren’t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless.

Don’t worry, be happy.

Control your whoremones, slut.

It’s hard to wait around for something you know might happen, but it’s even harder to give up when you know it’s everything you want.

Treat people as you would like to be treated. Karma’s only a bitch if you are.

slut [sluht] /slʌt/ (noun): a woman with the morals of a man.

You are the best kind of fucked up.

Old people at weddings always poke me and say, “You’re next.” So, I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Dear Santa, I’m writing to let you know that I’ve been naughty and it was worth it!

Honesty is a costly thing. Don’t expect if from cheap people.

Never tell your problems to anyone. 20% don’t care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

Dear Heart, Please stop getting involved in everything. Your job is to pump blood, that’s it.

Whoopty fuckin’ doo!

I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others I’d love to punch in the face.

Danger! Mouth operates faster than Brain.

When I shut my mouth and turn to walk away, it doesn’t mean you’ve won. It simply means your stupid ass isn’t worth any more of my time.

Don’t take life so seriously. It isn’t permanent.

It’s my life, my decisions, my mistakes. When I want your opinion on my life I’ll ask you for it, but for now FUCK OFF.

Hey, I was just having dirty thoughts about you.

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