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Children were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. The following statements about the Bible were written by some of these children. The answers have not been altered for spelling, grammar or any content.

  1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED   OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH   OFF.
  2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE . NOAH’S WIFE   WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND  THE ANIMALS CAME  ON IN PEARS.
  3. LOTS WIFE  WAS A PILLAR  OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE  DURING THE  NIGHT.
  4. THE JEWS  WERE A PROUD  PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD  TROUBLE WITH  UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
  5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN  WHO  LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.
  6. SAMSON SLAYED THE  PHILISTINES WITH  THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
  7. MOSES LED  THE JEWS TO  THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE  UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS  BREAD WITHOUT ANY  INGREDIENTS .
  8. THE  EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS,   MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT     CYANIDE TO GET THE  TEN COMMANDMENTS
  9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE   APPLE.
  10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU  SHALT NOT  ADMIT ADULTERY.
  11. MOSES DIED  BEFORE HE EVER REACHED   CANADA THEN  JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS  IN THE BATTLE      OF   GERITOL.
  12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS   SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED  HIM.
  13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE   LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO   LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
  14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS   SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
  15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE   MAGNA CARTA.
  16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY   FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
  17. JESUS WAS BORN  BECAUSEMARY  HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
  18. ST. JOHN  THE BLACKSMITH  DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
  19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN  RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO  OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO  YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN  DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT  ALONE.
  20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN   JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE   OFF THE ENTRANCE.
  21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED  THE  LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
  22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE   APOSTLES.
  23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A   TAXIMAN.
  24. ST.. PAUL CAVORTED TO  CHRISTIANITY,  HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER  NAME FOR  MARRAIGE.
  25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE  SPOUSE.  THIS IS CALLED   MONOTONY.

This was forwarded to me via email with the heading: “A Nun Grading Papers – LAUGH OUT LOUD STUFF!”

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